I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
