How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize