You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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