Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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