my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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