i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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