I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
