Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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