my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His hands were made for my vagina.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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