dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
