Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
