I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
