Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
