Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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