I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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