She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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