I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
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He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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