thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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