Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
