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Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Randomize
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