i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.