'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
