Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth