Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.