So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome