If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
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This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
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HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n