are you still at the devil's house?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
