marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
