whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize