I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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