The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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