Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
