don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
