i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
