I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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