I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
