And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
