my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
