the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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