Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
