the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
