I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
