Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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