i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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