He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
