so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
