proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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