I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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