this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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