South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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