The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So apparently I’m into choking now
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