wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
