conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
