I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
