It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
