it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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