so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
