No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
