I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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