i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
