Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
