did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
