I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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