If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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