so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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