I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
