do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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