I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
