she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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