I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
