Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just high enough for therapy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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