She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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