You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
