Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
